Gym Trolls: 5 Completely Ridiculous People You Meet At The Gym
The King Kong Lifter
When he walks into the gym, you swear you hear the Rocky theme song. He probably hears it too… in his head. His heart probably beats to the Rocky theme song. This guy is chock full of prohormones. Protein lives in his veins. He beats his chest and slaps his knees… then he leans down and lifts the most massive weight load you have ever seen. King Kong guy is funny but he’s also boss and you want to know how to get the Rocky theme song to pop into everyone’s heads when you arrive too.
The Cyclist Coach
The guy who leads the cycle class is hardcore on a whole new level of hardcore that only exists behind the doors of the cycle room. He gets all the chicks for whatever reason. His swagger lives inside his pink headband and his spandex shorts are something that you have tried to un-see but cannot. The way he stands up on the bike reminds you of that scene in Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio declares himself King of the World. Why? You are not sure but it does.
The White Snake Video Model Lookalike
There is always that one girl in the gym who looks like she got dressed up just to take the treadmill. She probably did. She also wears the smallest shorts out of everyone in the gym (except for cycle dude) and she sports that bright red sports bra that basically says “Hey, over here.” However, when you walk up to her to get her number – she goes into a rage that you can only describe as what must happen when you take a celery stick away from a supermodel. She doesn’t mind you looking but don’t talk to her. That’s against the rules of her game.
The Handsy Trainer
Trainers are great. They give us great advice on form, prohormones and meal suggestions. However, there is always that one trainer who is just a little too touchy-feely. He always finds a reason to put his hand on your lower back when you squat. Always touches your shoulder when he spots you and it is not just you. He just has this thing with touching people and it creeps you out just a little. Worst of all, you cannot punch him because he is bigger than you.
The Oh-Hey Locker Room Guy
You know that one guy who is completely oblivious to the fact that you do not want his naked bum in your face? That’s this guy. He knows when you are sitting on the bench getting ready to take your prohormones from your bag. He knows that his butt is nose level to your face when you do. He does not care. You care though…. you care a lot. You think you may have PSTD.
From the King Kong Lifter to the naked guy in the locker room, gym trolls are everywhere. That is alright though. Gym trolls keep us coming back for more, wondering what the hell we will see at the gym next time we show up.